oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
