I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
