I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
