Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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