just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
