He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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