He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
