so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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