people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
