this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
