look no pants
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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