hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm passing your future prison.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
