I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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