Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
