Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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