I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
