I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
