I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
