Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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