he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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