I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
