When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
