lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
