I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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