But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
