no, he came in my armpit
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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