You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
