So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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