My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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