i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You took a bar mat shot.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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