Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
