We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was like his penis was on wheels.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
