She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
