I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
