Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
