I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
