hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
