At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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