i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
