I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
