You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
