Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
