Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I puked a lego.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
