my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this just has baby written all over it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
