question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
