there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
