bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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