Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
