I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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