Banned from zoo.
Again?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
