Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
