dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
