there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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