he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
