3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
