I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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