How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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