Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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