Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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