for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
