Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
