I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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