why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
