i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
