Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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