I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
